From the moment I saw a post shared by a friend last week about the disappearance of Sarah Everard and what tragically appears to be her subsequent murder she has not been far from my thoughts. Rarely does a story in the news of someone I have never met play on my mind like this has. Of course it is a terrible tragedy and my blood runs cold thinking how her family and friends must be feeling right now but what I think is getting all women talking is the realisation that this really could have been any of us.
Yesterday I spent a lot of time reading other women’s stories on Twitter and what really resonated with me is how we all behave walking home after a night out (or even just walking alone at any time). Not just that we do the things we do, but how I have never really realised that we are all doing the same things and we just don’t talk about it. It’s just accepted that these behaviours have become so ingrained in our lives we’ve forgotten how awful it is that we do it, we’ve forgotten we shouldn’t have to do it. I have never discussed this with my friends before until the last couple of days but we all do it. All women. And that’s just awful.
I’m talking about the way we carry our keys in our knuckles ready to use them as a weapon, the way we either phone a partner or a friend or just pretend to be in conversation on our phones as we walk home. I have long hair and I always carry a hair band at night so if I’m walking home alone I can tie my hair back. I have always done this sub consciously. I’ve never even considered why but I guess it’s to look less like a woman and therefore less vulnerable. How messed up is that? I spend a lot of time in Spain and less so now but still probably for a couple of days each year I am alone there. I walk home from meeting friends alone or even from just parking my car on the street and when I enter my apartment the first thing I do is loudly say hello to my husband (who is not there) to give the impression there is a man in the apartment. I leave the lights and TV on inside whilst I am out so it looks like I’m entering somewhere with other people inside. Until yesterday I have genuinely never realised that other women do that but yesterday I read of many.
97% of women have been subjected to some kind of sexual assault. I have been followed walking home along the beach in Spain and felt petrified (it was a long time ago but I can still remember how I felt). It’s clearly why I address empty apartments. When I was at university in London and waitressing in a bar I was grabbed between the legs by a drunk customer who put his hand up my skirt. I once had a man attempt to touch me in broad daylight in a jacuzzi in a leisure centre! I am just one woman and that’s three scenarios. Any of those could have had the potential to escalate into a different situation.
Kings Hill feels like one of the safest places possible to live. I do walk home from The Spitfire alone if I have met friends and we live in different directions but I hate it every single time. Genuinely until lockdown I had never even walked around the golf course in broad daylight alone because I didn’t feel comfortable. I only do now because there are so many more people around walking that I feel safer.
Of course these types of awful attacks are rare but how sad that we as women are so used to it it’s become second nature.
